Little Miracles

On Sunday we had a little sort of baby-shower/welcome party for the newest member of our neighborhood: Ayden who was 3 weeks old that day. It was fun to see the neighbors since I was home for the weekend. After a neighbor and my mom held Ayden, I got to hold him. I held him for the rest of the party. Just sitting in the rocking chair and holding him. He was so tiny and beautiful! He was asleep the whole time. His tiny fingers were amazing with their tiny fingernails. I loved holding him and just sitting there and rocking him. I think I could have stayed there all night...but they eventually had to go so I reluctantly gave him back to his dad.

I love babies and toddlers and kids, but I don't know how I would feel about raising my own. I don't think I'm anywhere near mature or wise enough to raise my own kids. If I bring kids into the world, I don't want to mess them up. I want to be at a place where I know I could provide for them and I could teach and love them well. I don't think I would do a very good job of that right now. I like not being responsible for anyone but me. I think that's one of the things I loved about London. I didn't have to watch out for or take responsibility for anyone but me. I think it'll be a long time before I'll feel anywhere near being responsible enough or wise enough to be able to raise relatively sane, well-rounded kids. But until then, I'll just enjoy being around kids and babies in the way of babysitting and maybe one day being an aunt.